Journey

L have been trying to jot down one or two ideas but my mind goes completely blank. l am still trying to figure out who l am once again. l am a mere reminder of the girl the dreamer the woman l once was. No one has given the do and don't s of single life after divorce. l am trying to figure out where to from here. Its almost a year now and l have not completely dealt with what transpired a year ago. l feel like a pregnant woman l crave a lot of things my me time my mother daughter moments with my girls whom by the way are the reason l am alive if it were not for their support yes their support imagine a 5 year old having to support a woman in her 30s that should tell you something about the kind of generation l am raising. A 5 year old having to grow up overnight because mommy can not take it anymore the pain is unbearable for her a 3 year old trying to understand why mommy prefers to sleep early though around midnight l will be wide awake trying to make sense of my life like what happened 6 years ago six full years just passed and l was just stuck in my own world stuck and not being able to move. l always tell my ex husband l do not hate you because you constantly cheat on me l hate you because l allowed six years of misery and stagnation to pass me by and as much as l want to blame you l can not l hate the coward inside me who could not say l have had enough who chose to cry in front of her kids and run to her friends for a pity party and yes l had a lot of those but l can not hate you period because you are the only one who gave me my freedom back you gave me my voice back you are the only man who has done more harm and broke the spirit of this fragile innocent soul. l hope one day l will repay you for your kindness you were able to do one thing right and that is give me voice back give me life back while l am still discovering myself l cant help but thank you for letting me go for allowing me to spread my wings and fly now here l am pouring my soul and heart to you hoping that one day you will know and understand what was in front of you.